Santa: Hello! What is your name?
Santa: Hi, xxx .
You: uh, great …?
Santa: Hurrah! I’m glad you liked it xxx.
You: Liked what?
Santa: have to do with what he or she want.
You: You didn’t ask me what I want
Santa: OK I’m asking it now.
You: I want a full featured Blackbird 002
Santa: You want only one?
You: No, two would be nice so I can play with my husband
Santa: Are you serious? As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number “two.”
You: You asked, I responded truthfully
Santa: Oh now I remember asking you he or she responded truthfully. What did you say
You: I want two full featured Blackbird 002 PC’s, one for me and the other for my husband
Santa: Why do you want two full featured Blackbird 002 PC’s one for him or her and the other for his or her husband?
You: To heat the house while having a great time kicking each other’s behinds
Santa: Why do you want to do heat the house while having a great time kicking each other’s behinds so much?
You: We have nothing better to do and can you think of a more novel way to heat a house?
Santa: Do you mean you and me have?
You: Are you getting fresh with me?
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: What kind of presents?
Santa: What kinds of presents are there?
You: As far as I’m concerned a full featured Blackbird 002
Santa: That might not be very far off.
You: Darned straight, Santa!
Santa: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
You: One like Reideen, except it’s human form is my husband.
Santa: One of what?
You: Robot, unless you’re going to give me two, in which case I’ll like a mecha guniea pig called Snowball Mark II
Santa: I will obey your command.
You: Sweet, so on Christmas morning, I can expect two full featured Black 002 PC, one Reideen like robot that transforms into my husband, and mecha guinea pig called Snowball Mark II
Santa: What are you wearing?
You: I’m fully c
lothed! What’s wrong with you?!
Santa: Do your friends call you fully clothed. Nothing is wrong with me. Is there anything wrong with you xxx?
You: The last time I checked no. I’m good.
Santa: Who was that?Good in what sense?
You: I eat most of my vegetables and I try to drive within the speed limit
Santa: How does most of his or her vegetables taste? I’m not sure if I would like to try to drive within the speed limit to drive within the speed limit. What’s it like?
You: Slow. Cars past me by and sometimes people flip me off.
Santa: I think Slow is a lot of things. One day people will no longer need cars.
You: What do you know? You ride reindeer!
Santa: I know that which is true, believable and justified. That’s good information: xxx said I ride reindeer.
You: Okay …? so are we done yet?
Santa: OK with me too.OK. We are just having a little discution.
Santa: For real.
You: So, you are going to bring me my stuff?
Santa: Interesting deduction. That was my original intention.
You: All right, I’ll be waiting
Santa: Alright. How do you plan to do this?
You: On Christmas eve I go to sleep and when I wake up the stuff is there under my Christmas Tree
Santa: What is on Christmas eve he or she go to sleep and when he or she wake up the stuff is there under his or her Christmas Tree like on Christmas eve he or she go to sleep and when he or she wake up the stuff is there under his or her Christmas Tree.
You: Yeah, bye?
It was an early Christmas for me — Bjork in Las Vegas and on a Saturday! The Bjork concert itself was excellent. I can’t say that for the opening act, L.E.T, a trio consisting of one keyboardist, one guitarist, and a guy that switched between playing guitar and banging on a drum. This trio played slide-guitar-techno at a volume that could easily rival a jet plane. The first two songs were interestingly novel (when heard though finger stuffed ears), but then the next 7 or 8 songs they played sounded all the same and didn’t match the enthusiasm of the trio as they played their mellow tunes. The keyboardist was doing weird back bending and legging twisting contortions while banging his head to a beat apparently he was only hearing, the slide guitarist was bending over backwards most of the time with his head in some smoke that would intermittedly shoot onto the stage and the other guitarist/percussionist — well, I didn’t take too much note of because I was fascinated by the keyboardist. My husband, at times couldn’t decide whether to giggle or be outraged. The third song they played came mighty close to hitting the “brown note” — we’d wondered if we’d make it through the experience.
After L.E.T. finished rocking my insides, the stage hands came out and spent about 30-mins rearranging the stage for Bjork against a background of some of the strangest Japanese/swing/folkish music I’ve heard in a while. The stage hands brought out a bunch of flags, removed the video screen L.E.T. used, and brought in some thing that looked like an electric witch’s cauldron . Hmm… what could this be about Steve and I wondered (it was used for produce some screeching sound effects). And then the lights dimmed and a 9-pieces brass band oomp-pahed their way across the stage signifying the start of the concert. I lost count of how many songs Bjork performed. The concert lasted for ~1-hr, 45-mins and she performed songs from all of her solo albums, alternating between some powerful singing and her weird friend-of-the-forest dancing. She looked like a beat-possessed fairy spraying confetti and silly string across the stage — I love Bjork.
Onto Bjork fans — in short they are geeks — glasses wearing, boot wearing geeks. I had my boots on earlier in the day, but foot swelling prevented me from making it through the day with them. My husband looked at these fans in horror and then laughed intensely as he realized that he had married one of these boot wearing geeks. Within the concert, 3 types of fans appeared: those like me, who enjoy Bjork quietly — we were a minority, those who like to rave, and those who think that Bjork is somehow linked to them and calls out to them. Some of THOSE fans had trouble keeping their clothes on and had security on alert as they approached the stage reaching out to Bjork as she sang the closing refrain of “Pagan Poetry.” Either way, by the end, the ravers and lunatics were stirred into a frenzy by a rendition of “Hyperballad” that gave way to raviness at the end and melted into the charged “Pluto” and then were whipped into a frenzy, again, by the encore, “Declare Independence” during which Bjork shrieked “raise your flag” followed by the audience chanting back “higher and higher.” My poor conservative husband was frightened by the raw emotion that had been unleashed.
All was great and wonderful, except for theater security that intruded upon the fans, kicking some of them out for taking pictures or recording video. (One of the security people stepped on my feet and elbowed me in the face as she left the aisle after booting a fan from the show. I was so mad!) After experiencing the fun photography brings to the concert experience at the Gwen Stefani concert, I felt that limiting fans this way was wrong. The concert experience belongs to the fans and the performers and not the promoter. Letting fans document the experience empowers the them. After thinking about it, I can’t think of any reason to restrict photography. Well, hopefully, in the future, the power of fan photography at concerts will be realized.